she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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