I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
