Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
