i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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