tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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