I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
