There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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