the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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