You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
