I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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