there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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