dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Someone came in the potted fern
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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