I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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