he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
