Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize