apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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