Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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