Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
