but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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