Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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