Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
