You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
