Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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