ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
