Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize