Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
