Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize