as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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