Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
