is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
