Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
