know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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