enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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