U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
