So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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