What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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