we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
