I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Rumble strips road head = magical
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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