Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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