speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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