her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
All the doctor said was why
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
