This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Randomize
