I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
