Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
