I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
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