if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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