And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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