Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
