HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
