if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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