Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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