I must be too annoying 4 u.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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