ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
