i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
