I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
