I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
