babies were throwing up all over the place
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
