There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
