remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
