Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
