Soap is not a condiment
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
50% drunk capacity currently
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
