bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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