Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
