Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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