I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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