Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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