We named our party play list daddy issues
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
