I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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