She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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