I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
