I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
