I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
