You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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