i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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